The 'pandemic wall' is made of many bricks: Isolation, fatigue, grief among them - The Advocate

As 2020 progressed, so many people talked about how they were looking forward to the year being done, as if a new day, a new month, a new year would change things.

That didn’t happen, of course, and here we are at Valentine’s Day with more people than ever hitting the proverbial Pandemic Wall.

So, how can we effectively deal with this new level of vexation and embrace the love of this day?

I turned to trusted, local friends for advice, starting with Roy Petitfils. He’s in Lafayette, but he’s an internationally recognized expert in understanding and raising teenagers. I usually find his advice applicable, regardless of my lack of teenagerness.

Petitfils said the first thing to do is to name the issue. Is it isolation, trauma, lack of motivation, sadness, fatigue, grief, mood fluctuation, strained friendships, anxiety about the state of the world and an uncertain future — or something else?

Personally, I desperately miss hosting large meals in my home. Almost every night, when my husband and I sit at our giant table for dinner, I think of those who have sat with us before — enjoying a meal, laughing and connecting. When I think of that scene, I get weepy. Of course, what I miss is a lot more about human connection than sharing a specific meal, but it’s that scene in particular that gets me.

“For most people, the wall represents their experience of a combination of these symptoms,” Petitfils said. “Many of us referred to it as a ‘wall’ — and that wall has a lot of bricks.”

Petitfils says the second step is to claim it.

“Admitting that you are vulnerable to experiencing negative effects of the pandemic is essential to getting over the wall,” he said. “Struggling with these things doesn’t mean you are weak or defective. It means you are human.”

Third, he says, is to tame it.

“Remember, the wall is composed of many different bricks,” he said. “You can’t knock down the wall, but you can work on one brick at a time.”

Petitfils recommends evaluating the areas you are struggling with and putting them in progressive order of what’s bothering you the most. Then, ask two questions:

• If I focused on one area for two weeks, which area would give me the biggest return on my investment of time and energy?
• Which area can I realistically address right now?

Petitfils says that progress in any area often produces movement that carries over in others.

Local physician DeeDee Luke says she believes that the combination of looking for the good and focusing on hope is the key to getting past the Pandemic Wall.

“Placing my hope and faith in science and the vaccine helps, as does the feeling of excitement at being able to plan a trip,” Luke said.

She added that something as simple as a weekly vegetable delivery from a local co-op provides a bright spot and prompts learning new things — including how to cook different vegetables.

Nicole Smolskis-Rebstock said that deciding to have something just for herself is helping her — as opposed to “existing for the sole-purpose of making sure my daughter’s distance learning is good-to-go and that she has a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch every day.”

Smolskis-Rebstock went back to school, which, she said, challenges her and provides a creative outlet/opportunity to engage in thoughtful discussions with new people.

Alicia Faciane has made radical changes. She is hitting the road as a nomadic artist and launching a blog to document her adventure — www.therouteofitall.com.

“It takes a while to unhook from a rooted lifestyle,” Faciane said.

Emily Hamner says surprising friends with hand written notes sent in the mail has provided a lot of joy.

Erin Segura opted to try 40 days with no alcohol and 10-minute morning meditations. She says she wasn’t a big drinker, but it was making her foggy and sluggish.

Jill Laroussini is trying something called HeartMath breathing to connect and resonate with peace. (HeartMath.org)

Katie Bernhardt says she’s soaking up things she will miss about this temporary time.

“…I will miss not having so many things to do and places to go, particularly just having weekends with family and not hopping from one birthday party or football game to the next,” she said. “I enjoy those things too, but the slower pace has been refreshing for our family life.”

Deep breaths.

We will get through this — and when we do, let me know when you’re available to head my way for dinner.

We’ve got a big table, and I’ll add an extra plate.

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February 14, 2021 at 05:00PM
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The 'pandemic wall' is made of many bricks: Isolation, fatigue, grief among them - The Advocate
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